Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
