It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I want a musical about memes.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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