A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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