"it" just moved
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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