Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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