The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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