I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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