His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
