life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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