Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
