she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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