she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
