when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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