she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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