i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
