Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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