My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
