Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Randomize
