Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
