can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
