I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My ass is underappreciated
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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