Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
