Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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