somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
