Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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