I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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