the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
