So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
