Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
