zippers are such a cool invention
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
