plz talk dirty to me
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
