I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
from now on my penis is your penis
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
