I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
