And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
We left the knife in your bed.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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