I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
