Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
