Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
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So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
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So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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