You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
