yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
