He is an equal opportunity slut.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
