how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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