it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
