3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
