I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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