I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
