All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
