White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You may now shotgun with the bride
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
