Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
