Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
