I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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