she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
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