I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My brain says no but my pants say off.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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