did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I showed him my bush... on skype.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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