nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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