Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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