yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
are you so shy because you have an std?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
