Plan B is the new Plan A
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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