That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
