somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
