everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
