I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
