Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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