I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I believe in your delicious
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
