there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
